Perspective

Thank God for 2020.

There, I said it.  Don’t shoot.

It was the year that started with such promise and potential.  We were all in our perfect little bubbles of routines, surrounded in our orbs of self, and wrapped in our blankets of security; and then sometime after Valentine’s Day, reality came along and popped our bubble.  And no, I’m not trying to make light of a global pandemic that killed millions of people, devastating wildfires, swarms of locusts and murder hornets, riots, floods, earthquakes, hurricanes, or tornadoes.  I realize this past year has been seemingly nothing short of the eleventh plague.

But I thank God for this year.

Yes, I am painfully aware that practically every major (and minor) event was cancelled this past year — weddings, birthdays, funerals, vacations, holiday parties, and church services with all of the events surrounding them — all cancelled. Every one of us have at least one or more story of something important that we missed.  I saw the graduating class of 2020 get cheated out of their ceremonies, proms, and parties.  I watched the Homegoing service of my own Pastor’s wife online.  There were two weddings I didn’t get to attend.  For the first time in my life, I missed Easter Sunday services as I huddled in my underground storm shelter with my family waiting out the tornadic activity all around us.  And not only was 2020 simply inconvenient. Millions became unemployed nearly overnight. Businesses — both small and large — went under. Industries were wiped out, and some will never recover.  Much of our nation — even our world — was brought to its knees.

And I thank God for this year.

Personally speaking, not much changed for me on a day to day basis during our isolation time.  I am already a stay-at-home mother of four, three of which I homeschool and one of which I chase around the house during his entire waking hours trying my best to prevent a catastrophe.  My daily life is centered around keeping everyone clothed, fed, educated, and somewhat happy.  About the only thing that changed for me during all the mandated quarantine was not being able to get everything I was used to getting at the stores for my family and having to make do.  (But hey, I learned how to make bread!)  But my heart went out to all of the families suddenly thrust into the life of homeschool without preamble and with no resources, not to mention the children who relied heavily on their schools for regular meals.

I ached and prayed for my many friends and family who were suddenly without jobs.  We went through an initial financial scare ourselves, but God came through in a major way at just the right time.  Many of our loved ones fell sick, but they recovered. Thank you, Jesus!  We prayed and fasted more together as a family than we ever have.  We spent more quality family time together this year than we ever have.  But perhaps, the greatest blessing of all this year for me was when the Lord raised my mother from her deathbed.  It wasn’t even COVID-19 that got her there. It was a failing liver.  I got to spend over a month with her while she lived with us as I tried to nurse her back to health.  Not only did God completely heal her physically; but He also repaired her broken heart as she was married to a wonderful, God-fearing man this past December.

I’ve watched my girls grow even closer to each other than they already were.  While the rest of the world was on pause, my family strengthened.  Yes, we were inconvenienced.  There was frustration, and even some tears were shed.  Not every day was picture perfect.  In fact, most of them were monotonous and boring at best and downright depressing at worst.  But as I look back over this incredibly challenging year, I see the hand of God.  He stepped in and took over our lives.  He was and still is moving us like chess pieces on a board, all for our good, even when we don’t understand it.

I thank Him for it.

Through the years I have tried to challenge myself to find the good in every situation.  I’m not always successful at it, but I do try to make it a personal habit.  I was dedicated to the Lord as a newborn infant, as was my husband and all four of my children.  So, of course, I want nothing but His will for our lives.  That means letting God be God even during the trials.  That means trusting Him in every situation and leaning not to my own understanding.  That means living a consecrated life of devotion to Him even when I don’t like living that life.

As my mother lay in critical condition in an ICU bed and I was unable to be there with her, I had to pray a prayer of release.  It was a very difficult prayer to pray, especially after losing my father two years ago.  As an only child, I was so scared of being left alone without her.  But I had to let God be God.  And if it was His will to take her, then I had to trust it was the right time.  It was by far one of the most difficult prayers I have ever prayed up until that point in my life, but I did it.  I asked Him to heal her if it was His will, but if it wasn’t His will, to take her with as little pain as possible, much the same way He took Daddy.  Then, little by little, day by day, I watched her slowly regain her strength one terrifying, wobbly step at a time.  I watched her lab value levels slowly decline from lethal to dangerous to borderline to normal.  I watched her skin color slowly change from dark orange to pale orange to yellow to pink.  Her speech went from garbled to slurred to weak to clear and coherent.  I listened to her doctor tell me that she could die at any minute. Then he said that maybe she could get a little better. Later, her recovery was a good possibility. And finally, he said that she was miraculously healed.  And then, the most amazing thing of all happened! Her tears turned to laughter, her profound sadness to utter joy, and her panic to peace as I watched her say her wedding vows to one of the kindest, gentlest men I have ever met.

My God did that.

I know you’ve heard it said many times that hindsight is 20/20; and you’ve probably heard it said by now that, as soon as the clock struck midnight on the first day of January, 2020 was finally hindsight.  But as cliché as it may sound, I want to truly have 2020 vision.  I want to look back over this year and see the order even through all the chaos.  None of this year took God by surprise.  It was all part of His divine plan from pandemics to politics and my house to the White House.  God allowed it to happen.  Dare I say it?  He made it happen.  (Daniel 2:20-22)

I cannot and will not curse this year.  I refuse to join so many others who are talking about throwing it out like yesterday’s trash.  God was too good to me.  I can’t and won’t complain.  This year was a gift, and I will gratefully receive it.  I choose to see it with my 2020 vision.  It is with a thankful heart that I look back, and with great anticipation that I look forward to the balance of 2021.  I have no idea what it holds; but I’m ready for it, whatever it may be.  It’s all about perspective, and I’ve tried my best to adjust mine.  This year has made me step back to take notice of all I have, rather than what I lack.

God help us all to see with 2020 vision.

Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that thou art –
Thou my best thought, by day or by night;
Waking or sleeping, thy presence my light.

attr. St. Dallan Forgaill, trans. Eleanor Hull